There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
