my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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