I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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