We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
