my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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