erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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