I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
