Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
