I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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