I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
