I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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