I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
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i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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