He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
