he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
