Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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