He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
