I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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