i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
