Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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