did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
