he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So. Much. Porn.
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