She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I could fuck to npr.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
