Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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