this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All the doctor said was why
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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