thus making me awesome and them whores
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
