I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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