the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
