So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
