i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
