she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
