i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
