words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
soo... how was my night?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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