the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
