It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
