Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
