if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
