i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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