Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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