his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
