i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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