does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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