im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
