dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize