i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
