sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I would fuck him just for his dog
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
