It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
