I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
