are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
