The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
