Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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