The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
