There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
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Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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