I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
