So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
