I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
