I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
