we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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