She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
