Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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