shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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