Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
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I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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