please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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