Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
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When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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