you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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