I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
