Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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