No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
