yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
