did you get engaged???
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
