Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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