I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
