I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
