How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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