Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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