sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
