I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
