For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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