hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
