I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
