batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
