we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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