you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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