he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
