Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
