I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
